It's only 2 months...

Sooooo, a couple months ago, in one of my insomnia-induced tv trances, I stumbled upon a infomercial that has haunted my fat ass like no other. INSANITY! For an hour, I sat and watched this sweat-drenched, chocolate, titan bounce around the screen telling me to "dig deeper" and that he could help me look like a better version of myself. I was like "FUCK YEAH! LET'S DO THIS!" I seriously got way too excited and spilled my water all over my crotch trying to grab my phone to order. Then I saw the price and was like "Oh well, nevermind. Now where's that candy bar?"

After that, i have repeatedly been told that it's impossible and no one really ever gets through it. (Why are people so negative??? Whats the point of discouraging someone who wasn't going to do it in the 1st place? Buttholes!) Still, I couldn't shake the what-ifs. I seriously became obsessed with the infomercial to the point that I would auto tune it on my cable box. Psycho much?

I started going online looking at before and after photos, reading success stories, and watching transformation videos on YouTube. I got to the point where I started telling myself "What the hell is wrong with you? Buy it fucktard!" Everything I was exposing myself to was telling me that I NEEDED these DVDs. Price be damned. And it's not like I can't afford them. I don't hardly ever spend money on myself. If they could motivate me to change my life then they would be worth every penny, right???

So after a while, I told a couple friends, who I love and couldn't live without (shout-out bitches!), that I was thinking about trying insanity but was scared and worried about the cost. One friend offered to lend me the DVDs. I was like "Awesome! Thanks!" but deep down inside something started stirring. My inner fat kid (not much different from the outer one, I just have bigger boobs and a deeper voice) started shitting bricks. This was becoming a reality and no matter how gung ho I was getting something was dead set on holding me back. Some small, fucked up, part of my mind was saying "You can't do it!" Money was my first excuse. Now Mind Fatty (that's what we'll call her) was throwing in that it will hurt cause the lard I've been lugging around for the better part of a decade has jacked up my joints. Then she threw in a little "You won't have time!" And she seemed extremely partial to a "You're not going to be able to keep up./ It'll be too tiring!" combo. It was becoming too much and I was starting to chicken out again.

Then...

My crazy ass, overly cynical, slightly disturbed, set-in-his-bitter-old-fucking-ways, dad joined me in watching the infomercial. He usually changes the channel or just yells bullshit, among other profanities and slurs at the television, but he sat there quietly and watched. I noticed him watching it and then watching me so I started talking to him about it. I don't know if he was impressed by my enthusiasm or if he genuinely believed that these DVDs could help me but he was extremely supportive and told me to go for it! He knows I've struggled with my weight the majority of my life. His positivity caught me off guard and gave me the shove I needed. He's usually grumpy, yelling at inanimate objects, cursing god, or ready to choke the invisible motherfucker that follows him around showering him with shitty luck but at that moment he was doing what good dads do. Supporting me whether he thought it was a crock of shit or not.

Then... (Lol)

I closed my eyes and told that bitch Mind Fatty to go fuck herself! I can do it! It will hurt! Most worthwhile things do! I have more than enough time. I'm a stay at home mom who usually sleeps till noon when my 6 year old isn't in school. My house is usually clean and my kids are tended to so
how the hell will I not have time??? I have time to sit on the couch and obsessively watch the same infomercial over and over again, don't I? It will be tiring and maybe I won't be able to keep up but I will never know unless I try. Even if I can't keep up, I can build up my stamina and endurance until I can. I just had to give myself some serious perspective to get past all the shit I was using to hold myself back.

What has made the most difference is that I was thinking about the end instead of the beginning. I kept focusing on what I want instead of what I need. I want an easy solution and a hot body without absolutely no effort. How realistic is that? Might as well ask for a million dollars while I'm at it. What I need is something I have to bust my ass for and earn. Something that hurts but shows me results.

So I called and ordered the dvds. (I thought i wouldn't hold myself as accountable if i borrowed them and could return them anytime if i just gave up.) They actually arrived this afternoon. I haven't watched them and don't plan on doing them till Monday. I'm going to do some serious stretching over the weekend to help my body prepare. I know I'm going to be sore as hell so might as well give myself a little head start. I also have to go get some groceries so I can follow the nutritional guide that came in the package. It looks super legit and makes a lot of sense. Right now, more than anything, I'm building myself up and trying to boost my confidence. I know I can get through these DVDs. If I puke on myself, pee on myself, cry hysterically, end up a partial cripple from soreness, etc. I will crawl over broken glass if I have to, to push play on the DVD player everyday!

Even if this shit doesn't work, it's only 2 months...