Made Month 1 My Bitch! Lol

Yay!!! I did it!!! I have completed the first month of Insanity and am well into the recovery week. It was hard but totally worth it!!! It was a total of 24 days, (actually 28 but you don't work out on Sundays.) I did it every day, through sickness and stress, no excuses. I have lost a total of 20.1 lbs putting me at 229.1lbs. I wish I had taken my body measurements before hand cause I can't really see a difference yet except in my face and calves. I dunno, maybe you will see when i post the 1st months comparison pictures.

The week I'm in is a recovery week. I guess it's supposed to cool you down but also make you a little soft so when you start the second month, you shock your body back into burn mode, or so they lead you to believe. It's just as hard, there are just more breaks. As for month 2, I'm kinda worried about that. The first week I was so sore, I don't want to go through that again.

I'm nervous and excited!!! I think I could lose up to 30-40lbs by the time I finish month 2. That would be flippin' amazeballs!!! I started out having to lose 99lbs and if I keep up with insanity and my diet, I could hit my goal in 5 more months. I know I'm getting ahead of myself and maybe being a little unrealistic but I'm really happy with what I am doing and it's been a long time since I've been proud of myself. I'm doing something positive in my life for myself after enduring a hard stretch of time.

I'm sure that there are some who would love to see me fail and some who are tired of my IG posts and blogs but I couldn't give two shits. I know people like that are either jealous, miserable, drama-seekers, or just can't stand to see anyone happy and I don't have a problem with it. I feel sorry for them and wish them the best. I don't need the drama and no one is going to bring me down anymore. I've lost quite a few friends on IG and from my BB days and I'm happy for the true ones i have left. And to have so many wonderful women rooting me on, you are not only helping me improve my outside. You're making a huge difference on my inside, so thank you!

Ok, enough of this mushy sheeeeit! Onwards and upwards, my friends! I really can't believe how well I'm doing. My yoga pants don't fit anymore and I've already had to buy smaller bras. It feels good and I'm doing it!!! I've been slacking on my blog lately so I promise to post a couple new photos for comparison from Day 1 till now this weekend. I've gotta go and do my workout in a few so I'm gonna eat and relax a bit. Until next time...

I'm not neglecting you. I swear!!!

Haven't been on in a few days cause its been a tad hectic here. My eldest started school again on Wednesday of last week and then on Thursday his coach cussed at him so i've been emailing the assistant principle and only received one response saying he'll look into it. My son also brought home a nasty cold from school that my little one and i caught instantaneously. Its horrible. Its like attack of the allergies but with dizziness and nausea. Totally sucks ass!!! I did not expect the school germs to be making us sick after the first 3 days of school. Also been trying to get Cpt. Dickhead to bring me his income papers that I need for the divorce. He pesters and bugs me for the divorce, even though I was the one who left him and asked/have been asking for the divorce since the July before last, but when child support or court fees come into the picture, he's nowhere to be found. (I shouldn't expect much from him. He hasn't done shit for me for 7 years so I don't know why I'm surprised.) Along with that, I've been shopping and running errands like mad so I have barely had a moment to myself. So now that I do, here's a brief update...

Anyways, yesterday was the 20th day of Insanity. I have lost 14 lbs so far. I'm really proud of myself. Some people thought I would give up after the first day. To you I say go suck a bag of dicks!!! To the lovely people supporting the shit outta me, I love you and it means the world to me to have such awesome people encouraging and inspiring me to become a better, healthier person!

Tonight I had a big meal, which I shouldn't have but it's because my son wasn't cooperating with me during homework time so we ended up eating very late and I was really hungry. I don't think it's a big setback but I sure don't want to make it a habit. Figured I'd tell you guys because I don't want you all to think I'm tight assed, goody two shoes, who never screws up. I ate healthy food, just a little more than I should have at a time that I shouldn't have.

In other news, my knees are getting better. They don't hurt anymore while working out or after. I've still had to go a little easy yesterday and today cause I'm sick but as soon as I'm over this crap, I'll be working out full throttle again. I have to admit though, I'm dreading the upcoming 2nd month of the program. I thought the shit I am doing was hard already but apparently month 2 is twice as bad. I'm ready for it, I think... Just scared.

So that's my scatterbrained update for now. I think I'm gonna crawl into a hot bath. I can't seem to bring my body temperature up and i'm freezing my culo off! I hate being sick!!! Maybe I can sweat some more of this crap out tomorrow when I workout. Laters...

Fuck you, knees!!!

At 249.2 lbs, my blood work implied that my health was immaculate. No high blood-pressure, no pre-diabetes, no high cholesterol, etc. I was surprised to hear that. Thinking ahead of myself, I assumed that I could do anything I wanted since I was still considered "healthy". Boy was I wrong...

My knees hurt like a motherfucker!!! I have been doing Insanity for 15 days now (thirteen really since I don't factor in the Sunday's off.) Lugging around this lard for so long, It seemed to slip my mind that strenuous exercise would have an extreme impact on my joints.
I never thought that doing this would be to my knees, what hammering a steel spike into solid concrete is. I thought it would go away as I got used to the routine but it seems to be getting worse, even though I've modified some of the exercises. I know it's going to be that way till I reach a reasonable and safe weight.

So in my desperation to continue my Insanity workouts, I have started a cocktail of 800 mg ibuprofen, a multi-vitamin, and glucosamine and chondroitin. I bought pads to put under my rug while I work out. I am getting knee supports, and buying different sneakers with more cushion and shock absorption. I thinks that's all that I can do short of stopping and I'm not about to quit.

I had another fit test yesterday and it literally left me crying. Not only from the pain in my knees but from the fact that I couldn't make improvements in the jumping exercises. I've never felt so limited by my weight until now. I figured I could do everything if I really wanted to. (Fat Girl Delusion #1) I plan on using Insanity till I drop all the weight and tone my flabby ass. I'm not going to give up on this! I know a doctor would tell me to stop or take it easy but I can't. I know this is pig-headed and ill-advised but this is the one time I am going to be a stubborn asshole. I have to see it through. I have to do what I set out to do. Taking it easy isn't going to get me anywhere. I can take preventative measures and do things that support my standing weight better but I can't give up and stop because of pain. Nothing worthwhile comes without pain or sacrifice.

(Set-Backs)

I'm getting a divorce. Usually, when I have to deal with something way beyond my emotional tolerance, I eat. And not something like a pint of ice-cream or sack of potato chips. I can inhale a whole extra large pizza by myself, wash it down with a liter of Dr. Pepper, and still want dessert. Gross, I know! I'm not proud of it. Well, with my impending divorce, I'm determined not to let this happen.

It's weird... It's not working with my husband (hasn't been for a very, very long time) and I am glad that it will finally be over but it's still sad. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man but he just refused to grow up.

In the 7 1/2 years we've been together, my weight has yo-yoed, I have lost the confidence I had, and I let my appearance go to hell, for the most part. Having 2 kids, I don't really have a social life so I never really have a reason to get myself gussied up. My ex never complimented me or made me feel attractive so I stopped feeling like I was and slowly let my body match my mood... shitty.

I'm not going to let it happen anymore. I used to look really good (not being conceited) and I'm going to again. I'm not going to let this horrible situation define me or sidetrack me from my goals anymore. As bad as I want some mac n' cheese or a bulging foot-long hoagie, I want single digit sized jeans more.

As Promised...

Ok, so here are some before pictures. The beach ones were taken early June and the others 9 days ago. I'm feeling pretty apprehensive about posting them. This is mostly because they are very devastating and embarrassing for me to even look at, but I promised. I can't believe that I wasn't able to see how big I had let myself get but now I do and I am truly disgusted with myself. (The only thing I can think to call it is selective visual denial.) Its not only the weight, it's just the general neglect of my well-being. I haven't posted for a few days because i was thinking long and hard about these pictures. This is a public blog, anyone can view, and that leaves me open to ridicule and judgment. Why would I want to do that to myself? I decided that I had to because I have to say goodbye to the person in the photos and not hold onto the past. I am doing something now and I don't EVER want to be that person again. There's a stigma that comes with being overweight. You all have only ever seen my face till now so please don't be too harsh. I'm still the same on the inside. :(

I Feel Like I've Been Hit By A Bus!

OMGoodness! My calves and the area above my knees are so sore!!! It's so hard to even walk and I look like Frankenstein when I try. I had to take a dip in the pool yesterday, use my heating pad on them last night, take an 800mg ibuprofen today, and delay my workout for an hour. They're starting to feel a little better but Jesus! My body is resisting my brain. It wants to stay in its own fat little sedentary world. Too bad my brain has other plans. Gotta keep moving and push through it. I just can't remember ever being this sore and I have given birth twice and have 7 tattoos. Someone please tell me that the soreness goes away?!?

(Later that day... Lol)

Oh my god... Tried to eat eggs today for the protein. I took 3 Beano tablets before i ate but still ended up hunched over in pain and sick. It sucks cause I'm allergic to a lot of the foods that I can substitute for eggs.

I did my workout through the muscle pain this morning. After a little while I didn't even feel it anymore. (I feel it now though, lol.) I couldn't do two of the exercises today even though I tried. It's depressing but my big floppy gut was in the way. I couldn't put my knees where they were supposed to go. I modified it the best i could but I'm pretty sure the results intended were not the results achieved for those exercises. I know, eventually, I won't have to worry about that but it still made me feel bad. Even though there were a few set backs I still did the workout and finished it. Tonight, i'll be on another date with Mr. Heating Pad before bed with an early morning meeting with Mrs. Ibuprofen tomorrow.

On another note, my initial starting weight was incorrect. My scale is mega-crappy so it was off. I'm going to go by the weight I was at my last dental appointment 2 weeks ago. So my new starting weight is 249 instead of 245. It's only 4 lbs so I'm not bothered by it. I am getting a new scale though. I want to be as accurate as possible to make sure I'm not losing weight too fast or gaining from all the meals I have to eat. (And I especially don't want to be misleading on this blog!)

Which reminds me, I promise I will put up my before photos soon. I've been slacking on that so I'm sorry. I gotta sign off for now. My 6 year old is chattering away and agitating my 1 year old. Hope you all have a good night!