I kinda got some perspective as to we're I have been heading today. I figured I would eat junk one last time as a farewell. I ate pizza and a slice of red velvet cake. (Ugh, I'm not even gonna say how many pieces of pizza I ate. Bleck!) I admit they we're good but I felt so sick and weighed down after. It tastes so good when I'm stuffing my gob but after I feel disgusting, nauseous, and guilty. It really was bad! After that meal, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be missing out on much when I'm thinner and fitter.
Then, I took my "before" photos. They seriously made me wanna barf and then beat the shit out of myself for letting me get this fuckin fat! I let my gut hang out and everything. (Don't worry, I will put them up on here once upload them to my pc.) Just call me Moby Dick, the great white whale. And I have cankles and bingo wings!!! I'm only 30 for Christ sakes! I can't keep going on like this if I want to have any sort of descent life. (Seriously, I look like an albino version of Fat Albert!)
Anyways, enough self-deprecation. Tomorrow is a new day! I went grocery shopping today and my dad got me a new pair of sneakers as encouragement. I also got a heart rate monitor. I want to make sure I'm pushing myself as hard as I can but I'm not hurting myself. (I passed out once in high-impact step aerobics because I went balls out and pushed myself way beyond my means.)
My groceries consist mostly of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, high protein/low fat foods. A lot of stuff I normally don't eat is now in my kitchen. We generally eat healthy meals but have snacks that wouldn't be considered wholesome. I also have an extreme sensitivity to the albumin in eggs so I don't eat them. My dad and kids do but I haven't been physically able to for years. Its to the point where I have been bed ridden from pain just trying to eat eggs alone and I get bad gas. Yes, I know tmi but I have a point. I bought Beano (Go ahead and laugh.) to try to acclimate myself to eating eggs again because I need the protein. I can't do this with all the foods I'm allergic to but I figured I could try with the eggs. Why the hell have chickens for fresh organic eggs if I can't even eat any of them?
I'm hoping I can incorporate my diet changes into how I prepare family meals. My eldest loves to boast that he doesn't eat vegetables like its cool. I don't know who he's trying to impress. It bugs the crap out of me because I didn't teach him that and I make sure that even though he gets junk food occasionally that he takes multivitamins, eats fruits & veggies, and drinks milk. My little one seems as though he's starting to become picky as to what he eats as well. He's still breastfeeding at 17 months so I'm not worried about him losing weight or anything like that, I just don't want him to pick up bad habits so early. I am so thankful that he's still on the boob but how great can the quality of my milk be if I eat crap? He's started rejecting veggies lately and I don't know if that's cause he's teething or if he thinks they suck ass. I just figured I need to make better decisions for all of us. Why should I feed myself things I wouldn't feed my kids and visa versa???
Well, I'm pretty sure I'm just rambling so i'll cram it for now. Hope this post isn't too all over the place. Just wanted to keep you updated but I gotta wash dishes and get ready for bed. Nighty night!
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